I started two or three other blog posts that I intended to publish this week, but none of them felt right for this particular time. With so much uncertainty and anxiety surrounding us, I find it easy to put up walls of sorts by pushing productivity and positivity, to try to make the most of the extra time many of us have, and to generally just keep moving. However, I don’t always find that helpful.
Of course, staying positive and productive (or even just staying busy) can be a good thing. It can help keep our minds from worrying excessively, and it can produce measurable results. But it can also become a trap and a self-enforced weight of guilt when our standards are too high for us to meet.
The past several years have been an exercise in learning my own limits, which has included both learning to challenge and discipline myself and also learning how not to push myself too hard. I love lists and schedules and routines so much that, if I let myself, I will impose stricter habits than I can possibly keep up with. That’s one reason why having a system that prescribes regular evaluation and checking in on myself has proven so valuable to me.
Thus, in the spirit of being gentle with oneself and not pushing too hard, I’d like to share a few things that help me relax and slow down when I feel overwhelmed.
Celebrate Small Victories
There’s a quote I really like that I always use in my reviews at the end of the month: “Not all victories are about saving the universe.” This quote comes from a character in the BBC show Doctor Who. If you aren’t familiar with the show, it involves time-traveling heroes literally saving people, cities, planets, and yes, the entire universe, over and over again. The character who says this line, Rory Williams, is a nurse by profession who becomes one of those time-traveling heroes, and he’s remarking on another character who has spent years overcoming a speech impediment.
The point I take away from this is that every success, no matter how small it may seem in the grand scheme of things, is worth celebrating. Did you get out of bed today? Get one task on your to-do list checked off? Talk to someone you love? Do an activity that makes you happy? Don’t let all the other things you didn’t do downplay the joy of what you did. Yes, there are always things we can improve, but when I take the time to list out all the small accomplishments I’ve made, there are always more of those than I thought, too. (And, to be clear, I fully believe that “_____ made me happy today” counts as an accomplishment.)
Take a “Day Off”
What I mean by this is a day off from routines and expectations. Sometimes this will be a true day off, where I can stay home all day and do almost literally nothing. Other times, I may still fulfill outside expectations such as work, but take a break from my personal routines like journaling. Even though I do my best not to let my routines become too rigid, and even though I often find the routines relaxing in and of themselves, there are still times when I need rest even from them.
Work on a Creative Project
I know “work” and “relax” don’t seem to belong in the same activity, but hear me out. It boils down to the difference between doing something for obligation (e.g. reading for school) and doing something purely for fun. Doing something creative for myself is relaxing because it’s done in freedom — freedom from needing it to be “good enough,” from deadlines, and so on. A creative project for me could be some kind of creative writing, or working in my bullet journal, or cooking/baking, or something else. The key is that it must be something I choose to do solely because I want to.
Make a Cup of Milk Tea
This one is pretty self-explanatory.
My favorite teas are Earl Grey, Vanilla Chai, and Vanilla Caramel. And here’s a little trick for the perfect smooth, sweet milk tea: instead of milk and sugar, just add a spoonful of sweetened condensed milk to the cup. You can adjust the amount according to how sweet you want it, but a spoonful works great for me.
Listen to ASMR
ASMR, which stands for Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response, is defined by Wikipedia as “a tingling sensation that typically begins on the scalp and moves down the back of the neck and upper spine.” It’s that feeling you get when someone plays with your hair or otherwise soothes you into relaxation. There are millions of videos dedicated to providing the viewer with various kinds of calm and chills, and which are most effective and/or relaxing is different for each person. Sometimes I use these to fall asleep, and other times I listen while I’m doing something else for improved focus and decreased stress.
Put Something in Order
When so much of our world feels like chaos, controlling and organizing something — even something small — helps to overcome feelings of helplessness. This could be anything from making or updating a playlist, to clearing off a desk or shelf, to cleaning the kitchen, to making the bed. It adds to that list of small victories, and it often works to get me in the mood for organizing or cleaning other things.
My trick here is to make it more like a creative project by choosing something I genuinely want to organize, and then using that momentum to do something I wouldn’t have wanted to do before I got started. But my second “trick” is to let that one thing be enough if I don’t end up having the motivation (or the time) to move on to something else. Because, remember, the point here is to be gentle with myself and pay attention to my limits.
What do you do to relax when you’re overwhelmed? How are you working within your own limits to stay calm and sane during these uncertain times? I’d love to hear from you.
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